Many men often underestimate a crucial aspect of exceptional intimacy: indulging in leisurely, playful, and gentle massages that cover every inch of a woman’s body—not just the usual focal points that typically attract male attention.
It’s not about disregarding the breasts, buttocks, or genitals—in fact, quite the opposite. By delaying immediate attention to these areas and instead focusing on tenderly caressing their partner all over, men can elicit heightened sexual responsiveness in women. This approach ultimately enhances the man’s ability to become a more skilled and attentive lover.
How Can a Whole-Body Massage Enhance Sex and the Love-Making Experience?
The skin houses two types of touch-sensitive nerves: those that transmit pain signals, which are more commonly recognized, and those that convey pleasure, which are less familiar. Gentle massages stimulate these pleasure nerves, prompting the body to release hormones that promote relaxation, a sense of well-being, and emotional bonding. These physiological responses play a crucial role in sexual arousal, pleasure, and achieving orgasm.
Extended gentle massages, spanning from head to toe, are pivotal for most women’s erotic responsiveness. Without this prolonged stimulation, many women find it challenging to become sufficiently aroused or to reach orgasm. According to longtime New York sex educator Betty Dodson, Ph.D., ‘It typically takes me at least 30 minutes of sensual caresses all over my body to feel adequately warmed up for genital play.’ Some women may require even more time. Unfortunately, this need is often overlooked by many men.
Why Men Resist Massage-Based Sex
Many men express open skepticism towards the concept of whole-body sex. Why is that? Partly, I believe, it stems from men losing touch with gentle touch as they grow older. Unlike women, who often share hugs, men are more inclined towards back slaps and handshakes.
Pornography also plays a role in shaping these perceptions. Porn is fantasy—entertaining to watch, but not necessarily reflective of real-life intimacy. Similar to a thrilling car chase in an action movie, porn emphasizes genital interaction at the expense of whole-body massage. However, great sex involves a holistic approach: focusing on the entire body for an extended period, gradually integrating genital stimulation as the encounter progresses.
The term ‘foreplay’ unfortunately contributes to men’s reluctance towards whole-body massage. It arbitrarily divides sexual activity into the ‘main event’—intercourse—and everything else. Many men tend to rush through perfunctory foreplay, moving quickly to intercourse before their partner feels fully prepared. Guys, slow down!
Consider experiencing a professional massage yourself before dismissing the importance of whole-body intimacy. Try this approach to enhance your romantic encounters: Schedule massages for both you and your partner, followed by intimate time together (preferably returning home first). I’m confident that this approach will enhance arousal, responsiveness, and overall satisfaction for both of you.
Goodbye Foreplay, Hello ‘Loveplay’
Let’s discard the linear approach implied by ‘foreplay’ and embrace the realm of ‘loveplay,’ which opens the door to greater erotic creativity. Start with candlelight and music, cuddling and kissing. Slowly undress each other while continuing mutual massage. Shower together, attentively soaping, rinsing, and drying each other.
Next, move to bed for more kissing and caressing. When ready, focus on each other’s genitals for a while before returning to kissing and snuggling, exploring each other’s bodies with wandering hands. Resume genital play, and consider incorporating a sex toy if desired.
Do you see why this isn’t merely ‘foreplay’?
Many women express a desire for men to understand that sex is most fulfilling when the entire body is engaged. While genitals are important, so is every other part! Once you embrace the idea that the entire body offers a playground of sensuality, you’ll appreciate why lovemaking that excites every inch is considered ‘advanced.